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L337 5P34K!!!!!!!! is the best facebook language ever.
add friend = 574LK (stalk)
friends = n00bz
report = pwn
like = <3

etc.

SOOO FUNNY. (:
2010 is good sofar. i actually went to lunch today! instead of hanging out in the media center. i kindof prefer the latter but it's pretty antisocial... ill just *limit* my media center days :] and working on the GPAP project was actually pretty fun. my group is matt yanker lucy font matt hilbert me. i did A LOT of it, as far as the ideas, but i was too lazy to do any writing. this didnt work out well as the ideas i had (malpractice reform, tort reform, earmark reform, infrastructure repair to create new jobs, tax on companies that outsource) were a little BEYOND most of my groups comprehension, so i got a lot of questions and had to exlain stuff

okay so what im saying is they're INCOMPETENT.

matt y. has asked me THREE times (including yesterday) if our candidate is a democrat or republican.
_-_
BUT im wayyyyy too lazy to write anything, so i'll stick to video editing thank you very much ;)
which isnt going well, hehe. i put it off, forgetting that after i edit each video it takes 30ish minutes or more to load it onto youtube
blegh
but i got a 40/40 on my science project, so yay. still have to make up the quizzes and bcr if i even can D:
so here's me in my first few days of learning piano:

OH AND IM SOOOOO EXCITED TO START DANCE AGAIN TOMORROW FUCK YES. *ahem*


 


and last but certainly not least
 
 
 
 
 
 
clara slept over last night, very fun.
we watched part of tin man but we started it at like 2am so we ended up falling asleep :p
but anyways its new years
i feel like ive been trying to start over alot lately
new school year, new quarter, new decade, etc..
so i was thinking, what's the point of a new years resolution? its goal-setting, and achieving them will make you happy, right? well i don't know what would make me happy. i'm bipolar(and a teenager, duh), so i'm subject to random bouts of depression no matter what. even if i got everything i wanted i'd still get unhappy. well, except for people. the more i'm surrounded by people, the less sad i am. like, even if there's drama and all that, i like company.
so i could set a new years resolution to be more social, especially because of how withdrawn i've become since last year.
in conjunction with that, i think i'll start going to more afterschool clubs. even if it means staying till like 4 since thats the earliest my parents can pick me up :p
i also haven't been to dance in 2 weeks b/c of break :[
but it starts again this week, so yay! thats always a guaranteed 3hours a week of fun. =) and um, gross sweating. but fun still
i can also waste less time at home. i'm so lazy, it's horrible. i've been trying to make a commitment to doing schoolwork and it's been paying off; my second quarter grades are better than usual. lowest grade is a 78.95% in zehe, but i'll fix that with the presidential campaign project.
and the piano has been fun, i'll post videos of me playing greensleeves and killing me softly later. i can't play chords and the melody at the same time xD but i learned the melodies to both of those in like, an hour, and on my first day ever of playing piano. which was like, yesterday x) i like knowing the little melodies. they're like little ditties (i like that word) and it's cute.
also the pain i get from listening to vanessa carlton --shes so amazing and i identify with her- but idk her voice makes me feel lonely and there's a sadness to her-- i think i can cure by learning her songs on piano ;)
ohmygod i need to post another rant about how much i <3 her. she got really into ballet and applied to like the NYC school of ballet which is a really prestigious high school thing, and then had a growth spurt in her junior yr. and couldnt like, adapt to her new body well and was no longer like top of her class, and so she started skipping and writing songs, and then went to COLUMBIA (my dream college) and DROPPED OUT and started playing at cafes and stuff and got a record deal, immediate hit with '1000 miles' and then pretty baby and ordinary day, and then went underground living off the money from that and making more sweet music<3 GO LOOK HER UP. she's living a 'nolita fairytale' <--great song.
so i guess that's another goal.
i'd like to write down more of the lyrics that always pop into my head (i have an inner monologue that talks in couplets) and once i get good at piano (in like, a million years -_-) start putting them to music.
resolution number whatever i'm at is to continue writing in this to keep up with myself because i totally cannot recall what '09 started like.. as in, the years blend together. i hate how school years and calendar years are different.
and to keep in touch with clara of course
oh and falling in love would be fun too.

2010

gonna go do some of that schoolwork... meh
 
 
 
 
 
 

found at a mock UN debate :]

 
 
 
 
 
 
okay i'm feeling a bit better :]
thanks to engrish.com & foundmagazine.com (read found's 'find of the day')
they're SO funny! and foundmagazine is such a cute site! people post notes or old photos or random things they find in the street and such, such as:

ahahah

and



there's a really cute one that a kid wrote that says

"in my country they like play soccer. here they like play football. my eyes shine when i see my girlfriend. the birds soar up the west. the park is full of people and i am full of happiness"

soo cute (:


 
 
 
 
 
 
so writing about it probably isnt going to make me feel better but there's nothing else to do :/
i'm clinically depressed and even though i'm on anti-deppressants i don't feel like they're working. but i also can't tell if i'm just sad or if it's because i'm depressed, and it's not like i can just take pills for being normal-sad; like, it's unfair to other people b/c no one else can do that and if i'm just normal-sad then i need to learn to get over it like everyone else. i really don't want to start the new year like this and in less than a year i'll be a junior and i've wasted too much of my life already because of this. freshmen year was i think when it basically got bad and it just hasn't gotten better.
i used to be so much more outgoing, even though i guess it was kindof obnoxious. i had a life, and i went out alot, and it was fun. i would give anything to have that back. i lost pretty much all of my friends, and most of them were people i would talk to every day. i was hospitalized three times for trying to kill myself twice via overdosing, and once for 'running away'/cutting. the first two times that happened (esp. the very first) it meant i didnt see anyone or talk to anyone outside of the hospital for two weeks and that just pushed me further away from everyone. it sucked. and for the incidents my parents took away my cpu for a long time, which obviously didnt help.
even though most of my old friends weren't THAT important to me individually or our friendships were shallow, it still sucks losing them.
fast forward to the middle of sophomore year and here i am, solidified in that role. i'm not really in any after school activities. i haven't gone to any school dances, and i didn't go to any football games. last year i did all of those things. i am in dance at bfunk, in my competition crew, and that's one of my only positive things. i like art too, but only really in art class which i suspect is because i like the praise i get.
i have a lot of free time on my hands, and i'm doing better with schoolwork, but mostly i just find ways to waste my time doing nothing.
the worst thing is the free time. without anything to distract me, i just realize how lonely i am and all of that crap. and most of the time, i don't get sad. i just get bored. like, grey. i'd rather be heartbroken or devastated than what i am now. i think that's why i used to cut, because at least that wasn't boring. actually, that makes sense. i was void of really anything and cutting was at least something to feel, even if it was 'pain'. i guess that was kind of corny. anyway, i don't want the new decade to start like this. but there's really nothing i can do but hope for a random mood swing into happiness, or to find something to do.
i mean, i can ask my psychiatrist to up my meds.
i rarely ever see her though.
and it does always 'get better' but like, thats such a shitty thing to say to someone. like, 'this, too, shall pass' and all that. yea, i know that it will get better but guess what? it's not right now, and i'm kind of living right now and so it's sort of a problem, duh.
but i'm pretty sure wanting to lay in bed and not do anything for the rest of my life isn't very practical so i've got to find something else to do.

:p

 
 
 
 
 
 

(sarah ch.- you dont have to read the whole post to find the title, just scroll and look at the image below ;] )

**this post is a comment on a friend's entry about Zooey Deschanel & Emily Deschanel.**
=( they were my favorite sisters/actresses since i found out they were sisters a year ago!
you know when you like something, like an underground band/singer that most people dont know, and it's like your own little thing? and then a bunch of randoms start liking them and you're like, NOOOO! I LIKED THEM FIRST!
thats how i feel right now.
*is over it* :}

so i have a present for sarah chiang, who also likes ZD and ED. it's an amazing movie STARRING(i noticed she thought she hadnt had a lead part before) Zooey Deschanel [whose resemblence to Katy Perry was another thing i thought when i first saw her!] and including other really good actors like Richard Dreifus.

...called Tin Man, obviously.
it's REALLY REALLY good but doesnt get enough credit :[
it's an adaptation of 'the wizard of oz' but its not just modern, it's futuristic. well i guess it is technically modern b/c dorothy (zooey deschanel).. actually, she's called DG, her initials, in this version... anyway, her world is set in modern times, but the world of Oz is way futuristic. in tin man, OZ stands for "Outer Zone" which i think is cool ^^.
 the original is so old that they didnt have the capabilities to make Oz look cool, but now we do, and the special effects make it look like the fantastic and amazing place it's supposed to be.
the movie is also rediculously long, which is probably one of the reasons it didnt go to theatres (at least im pretty sure it didnt) and wasnt as popular as it should be.
I, however, LOVE unreasonably long movies.
if i remember correctly, both Spirited Away and Howls Moving Castle [both Studio Ghibli &im pretty sure Miyazaki] were really long, and i loved them.
I also LOVE this movie. THANK GOD my poppop (that looks weird when i type it) really likes zooey deschanel, in a non-creepy way, and is a movie buff, as he happens to own Tin Man. I'd never even heard of it before I found it at his house, and i was just like, WOAH, this looks fucking AWESOME. so we watched it [over two nights, it's a 2disc movie, very long like i said.]

i realized the word for what Tin Man is, it's a SCI-FI version of the wizard of oz. i'm not big on sci-fi, i actually dislike it, but that's kinda what this is. the wizard of oz already is fantasy, but there's a sci-fi element to this. not at all in a spaceship mutant alien star trek way though. but there are robots.... it also is SO MUCH LONGER because it EXPANDS everything about the story. you get like a whole timeline of OZ and all the shit that went down before DG got there. and you get a look into people in OZ and their society and all that, which is SO FREAKING COOL. oh and the like, coolest part that Tin Man explores? the witches- you learn about how they grew up and all of this crazy stuff. plus, there are some MAJOR twists that aren't in original wiz. at ALL. it makes the original look sooo bad, as if the story was good but the execution was horrible. Tin Man fulfills the true potential of the story, and pushes it to the extreme in the best possible ways.

anyway, now that i'm done raving over tin man... haha.

emily deschanel, who i love (well, i guess i more love her character on Bones), reminds me of this other actress. they have like exactly the same facial structure.
Olivia Wilde:


Audrey Hepburn, much?
irony- i found this picture on a blog titled "dorothysurrenders.blogspot" which ties back in to the whole dorothy/wizard of oz thing. HAH. 6 degrees of seperation applies to everything... also, somewhere else on the blog (i found this by searching with ctrl+f because i went to the site through google and couldnt find the picture)
“Look, I'm not a lesbian. I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl — Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands.”
-megan fox.

WTF? who feels like strangling a mountain ox with their bare hands because they think someone's hot? anyways, i kind of agree with her. not about the ox, or the whole thing before that, just that olivia wilde is really hot.


those aren't the best pictures to compare them by, sorry :p
im going to put in katy perry & zooey deschanel pics too, b/c katy perry is what you get when you combing emily & zooey deschanel.

HAHA i searched katy perry face, and as i was typing "katy perry f" i got "feet" as the top suggestion. people and their creepy feet fetishes...


ackk still not the best for emily d. she's not very photogenic, like, she's much prettier if you WATCH her (*stalker sounding*) like on bones.. like in motion. if that makes sense.

but zooey and katy look like sooo alike there.


 
 
 
 
 
 

 merry christmas... that phrase is used so often it doesnt really have that much of a meaning
its like a greeting
just like 'heyy' and stuff. except that you only say it near xmas.
so instead i'll say
i hope you get all the presents you want, don't get bored to death by your relatives, and manage to stay on that christmas high (you know, when you just get all giddy opening gifts and wallowing in all your new stuff)   for as long as you can!
so, i got from my parents:

 
 
 
 
 
 
so im going to try to assemble the things i consider 'truths' and devise a way of life
big task, you say?
NOT FOR SUPER SARAH!
*how will i make a life plan with the maturity of a 4th grader?!?!*
i'm doomed.

MK. here they are.

  1. judge people only by their intentions. i learned this by watching my parents fight (they dont that much). they're both good people. why get mad at each other? there's a longer explanation but i won't get into it.
  2. there is no god, and if there is he'll forgive me for not believing in him. no one will ever change my mind about that one... though they've tried.
  3. that being said, dying fucking sucks. i went through a period of time where i was realizing the true meaning of death and the gravity of it, like last year or maybe two years ago. that brought on my first bout of depression and subsequent mental hospitalization. hehe...
  4. linking back into that, i'm not going to go all carpe diem or anything, but it did make me believe in being selfish. having no god and not believing in an afterlife, i am left with no morals... and a belief in being selfish. i don't believe in "souls" or things like that. my friends? though im content to think we're two people who enjoy each other's company and it's something cute like that or whatever, but i know it's just that i, as a human, am a social being. i need these people to feel satisfied with my short insignificant life. and so i am content to manipulate them and use them... that isnt to say that i dont genuinely 'like' them (i often put human emotions in quotations, not sure why, im just compelled to) and all that, i just accept the scientific reality behind it
     
  5. this
  6. is turning into
  7. NOT a list.
  8. so im going to stop listing things.
  9. http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/211034/november-23-2008/a-colbert-christmas--toby-keith-sings
dude best song ever.

NOOO I STARTED WATCHING TV AND NOW IM TOTALLY NOT IN THE MOOD TO WRITE ABOUT MY (LACK OF) ETERNAL DAMNATION!
FUCK my adhd.
hhahahaa..... maybe i'll continue this some other time ;]

want a sneak preview? okay okay, fine. but only 'cause you begged.
my next point is ALIENS. its a scientific truth they exist (trazilliogillians of stars + god knows how many planets orbiting each one + moons of those planets = life. thats what we are. so duh. not saying their are spaceship nuclear galactic-weapon wielding green things, just 'life'. and if, lets say, christianity were real, the aliens would have a jesus and all that. which is preposterous.)


GONNA SLEEP SO I CAN WAKE UP AND GET PRESENTS

ps- as of today, i am diagnosed with:
attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
bipolar depressive disorder (BPD)
mood disorder NOS (not otherwise specified)
oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)
i might be missing one, idk. :] wanted to list it out for my own reference, i keep forgetting.

bye-a.

 
 
 
 
 
 
as in, when will my relatives learn that?
yeah yeah, i know that's mean.... but seriously. i'll know that when i'm old.
which is why i'm going to like, desert my family and move to the carribeans with my two husbands and live in a state of perpetual midlife crisis-ness as soon as i turn 50.
because i know my grandkids will NEVER WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH ME
just like i never want to spend time with mine ^.^
okay like, i like to see them every once and a while to make sure they're, you know, still alive and stuff... and get presents :]

*im so mean*
and the little kids... all my like cousins and stuff...
annoying! bleh. they like, ransacked my room and were playing gamecube and took out the disc of like, EVERY EFFING GAME and somehow got them lost and i still haven't found all of them. grr. pesky little kids...

anyway, xmas tally so far, from like one set of grandparents and two aunts:
-75$ Michaels (wtf am i gonna buy like 1000 colored pencils? meh ill figure out something)
-20$ barnes and nobles
-$25 iTunes
- im forgetting something!!

what do i KNOW im getting tomorrow?
-keyboard (to learn VC songs)
-cameraaaa

I'll post what i get tomorrow morning. ;)

URGHH i have to make cards for my whole family. and since last year i went craft crazy and made (from scratch) these cards where, when you open them, are pop-up fireplaces. it was like, a-fucking-mazing.
so now i have to make something cool. Dx
i have this really pretty paper, i'll just glue my school photo on the inside and write merry christmas... hehe. the paper is REALLY pretty though. *lazzyyy*


i also have some slightly deeper musings i'd like to post, but i'll make a seperate entry for them, as the tone of this entry isn't quite appropriate for such 'deep' thoughts. <--- i say 'deep' sarcastically because i HATE people who are like 'oh my gosh, im so deep.. i do yoga and take photos of trees in fall and know who bhudda is! i read and wear hippie-chic clothing and drink coffee! i'm a left wing extremist and i quote shakespeare' etc. etc.
there are many variaties of this type of person, and it annoys me.
even the most shallow of us have 'deep' thoughts; and even the deepest have shallow ones. that is a rant for another time though.........

*note to self* post photography rant.
aghhh.

ps- SOUTH PARK PERFECTLY CAPTURES MY FEELINGS.
if you dont watch it, you should.
it's 70% sexual innuendo, 10% fart jokes, 15% racist jokes, and 5% highly insightful socio-political commentary.

ALSO health care reform passed the senate! fuck yeah... not that i really understand it x_o... except i know public option = good. which they DONT HAVE ANYMORE. lame.

you know what? i dont really give a shit about any of it, and i wont until i have to pay for my own health insurance. *scolds self for getting sucked into hype*

anyway, follow up post in like, T minus 10 minutes.

 
 
 
 
 
 
they really need to just start winter break early!!!!!!! at least there's no school tomorrow ;) what to do all day.... hmmmmmm *other than my homework* hehehe. well anyway, now that i have some free time, here are some poems/lyrics no laughing or i SMITE YOU. -disclaimer: im not a poet. i am an angsty 15 yr.old girl. so, as stereotypical law dictates, i MUST write lame poems!!-
alot of the time, i just think of a line or two in my head, so it never turns into a full poem, so thats what this first one is:

-
-------------------------
-
and even though i was told
looking up can bring you down
i closed my eyes and kept on dreaming
with my head stuck in the clouds
-

-------------------------
-
can't stay another day
in this basement living for the moment,
just so i can waste it
-
-------------------
-
no wonder im so messed up
dont know down, dont know up cant look left, so is this right?
don't know where i am tonight.
stranded in the middle of the road instead
chained up to look straight ahead
making sure that i can't see
cars on both sides, coming right at me
speeding, speeding, on both sides
find myself in the wrong place,
and at the wrong time.
-
 ------------------------
 -
and now i know how people feel about the one
because looking up at you, is like looking at the sun
so enjoy the warmth, but don't forget the light
because your eyes'll start to burn and you'll go blind overnight
-
------------------------
 -
more later? meh.